15 years ago…..
A program was….. a television show
An application was…. for employment
Windows were….. something you hated to clean
A keyboard was…. a piano
Memory was…. something you lost with age
A CD was… a bank account
If you unzipped in public you went to jail
Compress was something you did to garbage
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
Log on was adding wood to a fire
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
Cut you did with scissors
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu!!!
TIMES HAVE SURE CHANGED!
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” inlarge letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
IS WINDOWS A VIRUS?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:
1.They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. – Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. – Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.
It’s a bug.
Glossary of Product Terminology
NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.
ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn’t understand it.
NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.
UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.
